I finally decided to ask Google about \u201cDon\u2019t Ask, Don\u2019t Tell.\u201d Because every time I heard someone talk about it on TV, I thought maybe I was really stupid. I never quite understood what they were talking about.
\n<\/br>
\nNow I\u2019m beginning to feel like it\u2019s not me who\u2019s stupid. It\u2019s like some enormous shell game, a slight-of-hand exercise that appears to respect human rights but doesn\u2019t.
\n<\/br>
\nIt goes like this: we are a democratic, open society BUT \u2026 these gays and lesbians are different enough that having them around might make us so uncomfortable it\u2019ll make us lousy fighters. And since the terrorists are determined to destroy our democratic, open way of life we have to be at the top of our game.
\n<\/br>
\nWe want to say that gays and lesbians can protect the homeland, but we\u2019re worried that if they actually do, it\u2019s going to undermine order.
\n<\/br>
\nWhich brings us to \u201cDon\u2019t Ask, Don\u2019t Tell\u201d: risk your life but please don\u2019t let it slip that you\u2019re not straight. Die without telling us who you really are.
\n<\/br>
\nDon\u2019t Ask mandates that superior officers not investigate a service member’s sexual orientation if there\u2019s no evidence he or she is engaging in behavior that is forbidden.
\n<\/br>
\nDon\u2019t Tell prohibits any homosexual or bisexual person from disclosing his or her sexual orientation, and speaking about these relationships while serving in the United States armed forces.
\nThen there\u2019s the reality of Don\u2019t Be, which means that any evidence of homosexual behavior may cause an investigation. Followed by dismissal.
\n<\/br>
\nDon\u2019t Be prevents anyone who “demonstrate(s) a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts” from serving in the armed forces, because “it would create an unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability.”
\n<\/br>
\nCongress offered a bunch of reasons why army life wasn\u2019t like ordinary life. And why in the interests of \u201cunit cohesion\u201d you need not respect human rights. Congress wrote: \u201cthe bonds of trust among individual service members that make the combat effectiveness of a military unit greater than the sum of the combat effectiveness of the individual unit members.\u201d
\n<\/br>
\nA former Marine friend of mine could see why they might be a problem today. He thought many male soldiers might trust a gay soldier to watch his back in combat but not his front in the shower. The worry being that every gay man wants to spend his time hitting on straight men. Especially during war time.
\n<\/br>
\nI have a feeling many Congressmen were obsessing about showers, too, when they explained that combat: \u201c\u2026 routinely make[s] it necessary for members of the armed forces involuntarily to accept living conditions and working conditions that are often spartan, primitive, and characterized by forced intimacy with little or no privacy.\u201d
\n<\/br>
\nBut my guess is these very same worried soldiers and anxious Congressmen would leap at the chance to shower with a lesbian.
\n<\/br>
\nBut really wasn\u2019t there a time in the Armed Forces when wealthy officers didn\u2019t trust poor recruits; or when white soldiers didn\u2019t trust black soldiers. Didn\u2019t the Marine Commandant in 1993 say that black soldiers couldn\u2019t shoot or swim or read compasses as well as whites?
\n<\/br>
\nI understand we are frightened of people who are different. But the idea of America \u2013 give me your tired, your poor, not to mention your huddled masses yearning to be free \u2013 is what makes us different than the Taliban and Al-qaeda. They take fear to the next level: mayhem and murder.
\n<\/br>
\nMaybe I\u2019m unrealistic to think we can chuck the whole thing. But until we figure out that gays and lesbians can shoot, swim, read compasses, and just want to be friends, how about we compromise? Don\u2019t Ask. Don\u2019t Tell. Don\u2019t Shower. That\u2019s one way to drive the enemy from the battlefield.
\n<\/br>
\n_______________________________________________________________________________
\nMickey Friedman writes from the Grossinger Clinic for Failed Comedians: \u201cI have convinced seven not-so-funny stand-up comedians not to shower this Friday. One small step.\u201d
\n<\/br>
\nThe Berkshire Record Thursday March 11, 2010 \u00a9 Mickey Friedman, All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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