<\/br>
\nI was annoyed I didn\u2019t get invited. Anyone who is anyone was invited. And quite frankly it\u2019s hard knowing I\u2019m just not anyone.
\n<\/br>
\nI wasn\u2019t going to watch.
\n<\/br>
\nAnd I didn\u2019t.
\n<\/br>
\nUntil Saturday night. I was really, really tired and headed off to bed. Turned on MSNBC but for some strange reason on the weekends they have these docu-crime things. Capturing criminals in Kansas City or life behind bars in Nebraska. Very depressing. And bad-dream inducing. Which left me with CNN. And, of course, a special about the royal wedding.
\n<\/br>
\nI wanted to turn it off. But I couldn\u2019t. I was so tired my royal resistance was down. Maybe it was the new CNN guy with the British accent. OK, I thought, if I have to watch this stuff, at least a real British guy can help me understand the real story of the royal wedding. If anyone knows, it\u2019s Piers Morgan.
\n<\/br>
\nAn hour and a half later, and thanks to Piers Morgan, I now know what\u2019s going on. And I\u2019m going to tell you.
\n<\/br>
\nIt\u2019s all about the new monarchy. Not the new monarchy we thought we\u2019d be getting with Diana but a new, new monarchy. Really, truly. If you\u2019re worried about losing Medicare or maybe not getting Medicare when it\u2019s your time to get Medicare, you\u2019ll like the new, new monarchy. If you\u2019re worried about getting fired or maybe finding a new job because you\u2019ve been downsized, you\u2019ll appreciate the new, new monarchy. Because the new, new monarchy is a more accessible, more like you and me monarchy. A monarchy that cares.
\n<\/br>
\nAnd why is that? Well it\u2019s because of Kate. And because Kate will succeed where Diana failed.
\n<\/br>
\nBecause Kate is one of us. Now I\u2019m obviously very late to this party. I didn\u2019t know anything about Kate, I mean really know about Kate until Saturday. To give you an idea how little I knew, I didn\u2019t know that Pippa was Kate sister. I thought she was just some attractive dark-haired woman who was real good at holding up Kate\u2019s dress so it didn\u2019t get ruined.
\n<\/br>
\nNow I can sense some of you are skeptical. Thinking who cares. Didn\u2019t we kick their British butts a while ago? Something about tea. A stamp tax maybe. Why is it that stamps are always going up? Is it the glue?
\n<\/br>
\nBut I say forget about politics for a second. This is about love. And, thanks to CNN and thanks to Fiber One, I learned a lot about love. That\u2019s right, I forgot to tell you that the William and Kate Story was sponsored by Fiber One. \u201cCardboard, No! Delicious, Yes!\u201d That\u2019s what their commercial said. Really, truly. At first I thought what an odd thing to say about your product. But then I thought: \u201cHow wonderful. And how brave.\u201d And then after a bit more thought. \u201cHow appropriate!\u201d Because couldn\u2019t you say the same thing about the new, new monarchy. Wasn\u2019t Prince Charles a bit like cardboard? I don\u2019t mean to be cruel but wasn\u2019t that part of the problem. Diana was so very alive and Prince Charles well \u2026 so stiff, boring really.
\n<\/br>
\nBut enough about the sponsor. Let\u2019s go back to the love story. There was a moment when it all came crashing down. When the forces of cardboard reasserted themselves and it seemed like we\u2019d never see the new, new monarchy. Stuck in the old ways.
\n<\/br>
\nYou see, Will developed a case of cold feet. Was Kate the girl for him? Did she have what it takes? Quite frankly, was she royal material? Prince Charles \u2013 who knew first hand the consequences of picking poorly \u2013 counseled his son not to settle. And Will broke the whole thing off.
\n<\/br>
\nThere I am lying in bed, thinking oh my god, if only Diana was around to help her son? Where was the Dutchess of Cornwall? Didn\u2019t Camilla help? Doesn\u2019t anyone appreciate true love? Where the hell is Cupid?
\n<\/br>
\nBut there was Kate. Kate. Delicious Kate. You\u2019ve got to love the girl. When Will broke it off, she decided to play the field. Which did the trick. Nothing like seeing your ex having more fun than you are. If jealousy doesn\u2019t rekindle the love that was, well nothing will. Will it. Will? And within three months, our future King had come to his senses.
\n<\/br>
\nWhich is what I mean by the new, new monarchy. Smashingly modern, unabashedly willing to adapt. Flexible. Willing to feel.
\n<\/br>
\nKate is one of us, and I\u2019m sure she will make sure that William knows how to shop. Perhaps even do laundry.
\n<\/br>
\nThis new, new monarchy is a monarchy I can learn to love.
\n<\/br>
\nAnd now that we\u2019ve agreed that a Kenyan with a false Hawaiian birth certificate can lead us, I say Pippa for President. Fiber One. Cardboard, no! Delicious, yes!
\n<\/br>
\n<\/br>
\nThe Berkshire Record, May 5, 2011 \u00a9 Mickey Friedman
\n<\/br>
\n<\/br><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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