I don’t know why liberals are up in arms about the new Supreme Court Decision. All it does is to allow corporations to spend oodles and oodles of cash on political candidates and political campaigns. Finally, we get some enjoyable commercials.

Personally, I embrace the change. I think it’s going to be fun. Like going to American Airlines Arena to see the Miami Heat. Or Bank One Ballpark to watch the Arizona Diamondbacks. Or Cinergy Field to see the Cincinnati Reds. Quit complaining, you lefties. This is America for God’s Sake. Love it or leave it.

I’m looking forward to 2012 when the money’s all in, out in the open for everyone to see. They’ll be corporate stickers everywhere on Sarah Palin’s jumpsuit. Eat my dust, NASCAR!

Can you imagine the oil companies competing for prime Sarah Palin real estate: Conoco Phillips above the right breast; BP above the left? Which leaves Marathon Oil hoping the TV cameras zoom in on her backside as she exits right.

How much do you think Goldman Sachs will pay to own Barack Obama’s elbow patches? Or the nuclear industry for the space above his pects?

Who needs campaign finance reform when everything is where you can see it. Like the first Candidates’ Taste Test. I’m betting Pepsi goes for Sarah; which means Coke will have to settle for Obama. When their commercials premiere at the Super Bowl.

There’s Sarah lying underneath her sink in Wasilla, Alaska with Joe The Plumber, a wrench in her hand, water dripping on her forehead, with an occasional lady-like grunt and an “Oh, shoot” as she struggles a bit. But she never quits. Finally, with a few more lady-like grunts, tightening the seal, and sliding out from underneath, a big smile on her face and a few grease stains on her forehead.

“I’m Sarah Palin. I took the Pepsi Challenge and I won. And if you send me to Washington, I’ll win for you!”

Ending with the beautifully reassuring Reaganesque male voice: “Sarah Palin. She’s one of us. A Pepsi President for The Pepsi Generation.”

I love it! And thanks to the Supreme Court we won’t ever have to see another lame political spot.

Because you don’t think Coke is going to lie down and die. Maybe the Democrats will. But not Coke.

Watch with me: A line of voters all waiting to get to the new spiffy vending machine/voting box. Two buttons: One for Sarah Palin. One for Barack Obama. A young twenty-something voter puts his quarter in the machine and pushes the Obama button. We zoom in and watch the quarter drop down into a magical world of film clips from the past: Bush/Cheney waving at their convention; the Mission Accomplished Banner; the deficit numbers rising astronomically. And the Darth Vader like voice: “Remember when the world was ours. Tax cuts for the rich. Weapons of Mass Destruction. Security, security, security. Then he came and ruined it all.” Shots of Obama and cheering crowds. “Yes we can! … Hope! … Change you can believe in.” Then shots of ordinary people getting health care. Obama picks up a little boy in a neighborhood clinic, and offers him a Coke. The boy breaks into a big smile. “I’m Barack Obama. I’m the Real Thing.”

As the image fades, we hear Luke Skywalker’s voice: “Always Barack Obama. Always Coke.”

Give me lemons, I say we sell lemonade. Give me politics, I say we sell politicians. It’s a brave new world. And I love it. Zoom-zoom!


Mickey Friedman, an advertising genius in his own mind, has some advice for whiney Democrats: “Just Do It!”

January 28, 2010 © Mickey Friedman – All Rights Reserved