“Anyone who can fill up a sweater like Sarah has got my vote!” So says my Republican friend Anthony. Adding, “the truth shall make us free.” And so begins Sarah Palin’s slow sashay to the American presidency.
In the upside-down world we live in, where tea-partiers criticize Barack Obama, that sly socialist who saved American capitalism for the criminally wealthy, sensible folk had better start imagining a political universe where the President of the United States outlaws press conferences. And permanently bans Katie Couric from the District of Columbia. Because if it wasn’t for the press and stupid questions like ‘what do you read?’ Sarah would have been vice-president already and that much closer to the Oval Office. We’re talking about a few wasted years when she could be turning things around for all of us, in the efficient way she helped Alaskans.
A year ago I would have thought President Sarah Palin was an impossibility. But I am a smarter man today. We seem to have lost our collective mind. Democrats are politically cross-dressing as Republicans. And Republicans seem to have no memory of their reasonable ancestors: Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, and as Anthony reminds me, Zasu Pitts.
Speaking of vice-presidents, Anthony says: “Who would you prefer: Joe the Plumber or Joe Biden?” Can you imagine Sarah hiding Joe the Plumber the way they seem to have hidden Joe Biden?
But I don’t want to just pick on President Palin. I’m an equal opportunity picker.
I have many friends who get very uncomfortable when I criticize President Obama. But I can’t help myself. When Democrats roll over in the face of insurance companies, throwing poor women under the bus to pass a poor excuse for a health care bill; and Democrats send American soldiers to yet another unwinnable war, I say they deserve all the criticism we can muster. What does winning an election mean when in victory we lose hope of true and meaningful change? When winning seems like losing.
I’ll even pick on myself. I poked a lot of fun at our new Great Barrington Revitalization Scheme. But the fact of the matter is there are some very competent people trying their best to figure out how to make Main Street work better. And I might even have taken some cheap shots at monkeys and bears. The revitalization folks have even studied every single tree. And unless I read their chart wrong, I learned that the tree I sit under – or used to sit under when we had a bench to sit on – is a dead tree. And I could actually be one of those in most danger.
Which brings me back to Sarah Palin and the presidency. In these times of great complexity, when we face greater dangers than an old pear tree – the dangers of the climate crisis, of financial collapse, and the loss of our sense of humor, there’s something to be said for simplifying matters. When there are too many colors, why not go back to black and white? Be honest, can’t you imagine President Palin and the Pakistani generals smiling as they talk about the simplest way to kill and dress a moose? Or President Sarah and Hamid Karzai talking about how best to bob and weave your way around corruption charges? And wouldn’t you really like to see Katie Couric serve five to ten for severe and extreme embarrassment?
And for my friend Anthony, we can only hope for four years of a president who really truly knows how to fill a sweater.
Just in case Todd Palin is a subscriber to the Berkshire Record, Mickey Friedman wants to assure his readers that Anthony has already gone into the Witness Protection Program and is no longer taking phone calls.
Thursday November 19, 2009 © Mickey Friedman – All Rights Reserved